제가술을좀마셧어요혼자마셧어요포장마차에앉아오돌뼈랑소주를혼자먹엇어요역시오돌뼈는참맛잇어요근데돈이없어서먹튀를햇어요아줌마죄송해요....
저희집은요일단딸부잣집이예요언니만넷이예요동생도잇어요물론여자예요엄마는돈걱정없이살던사람이예요외할아버지가미군부대에서일하셧는데정확히뭔지는모르겟고하여간에돈을엄청버셧어요정말정말돈이많앗어요어느정도냐하면엄마말이학교다닐때도시락으로쌀밥싸오면혼나던시절이래요근데엄마는매일쌀밥을싸갓고한번은그것때문에혼이나서외할아버지한테말하니까다음날선생님이엄마한테미안하다고햇대요돈주면서요그리고외할아버지는강남의빌딩을열세개나가지고계셧어요(물론지금은외삼촌이사업하다쫄딱망해서시ㅋ망ㅋㅋ)그런집에서자란엄만데시집을잘못오셧어요외할아버지만의철칙내지는억지가잇으셔서아무리더운여름에도발목이드러나는바지는절대못입고(그냥살이보이면안됏어요)밥먹을때도외할아버지가수저놓으시면그대로밥을그만먹어야햇으며무조건영어만써야햇던그집이엄마는싫엇대요그래서아빠가사는곳으로도망을왓대요아빠를만낫고아빠는엄마한테같이살자고,프로포즈도없이그냥덜컥같이살앗어요엄마한테는아주지독한시어머니가잇엇어요할머니는아주고리타분한분이라아들아들하시는아주못된여자엿어요근데엄마는계속계속딸만낳앗어요근데여기에엄마한테는존나개도적년같은시누이들이일곱이나잇엇어요그년들은엄마한테하지말아야할말들을달고살앗어요시발년들.여기에하나더.술만쳐먹으면병신새끼가되는도련님도잇엇어요할머니는맞기싫어서엄마를앞세웟고엄마는맞앗어요개새끼.아빠요?아빠는술집여자다방여자만나느라바빳어요버는돈마다그여자들가슴에꽂아주기바빳을거예요아빠는제가태어나고몇달안돼서죽엇어요제나이는한살이엇지만사실은태어난지일년도안된정말로아기인.저는아직도생각이나요엄마가울면서나한테한얘기요나안고수술실앞복도에앉아운얘긴데요글쎄고모들이랑할머니가엄마더러아빠잡아먹은년이라고죽어버리라고햇대요아빠는음주운전하다사고가낫던거거든요근데그게엄마탓이라는거예요아빠는죽엇어요아빠가사업한다고여기저기서빌려쓴빚과할아버지가족보까지팔아가며햇던노름빚까지몽땅다저희가족이짊어지게됏어요엄마는재혼을햇어요다섯자매를맡아줄남자라면아무나상관이없엇을거예요새아빠는개새끼엿어요술을안쳐먹는날이없엇어요내가슴만지고치마속에손넣고.시발.근데새아빠한테는전아내가낳은두아들이잇엇어요근데그새끼들도개새끼예요그새끼들은존나나를더럽혓어요하지만괜찮아요괜찮다고하면괜찮아지거든요엄마는동생을낳앗어요딸이예요저는동생이싫어요역겨워요죽여버리는상상을해요제가미워요엄마는참예뻣어요외할머니가미스코리아시키겟다고아주곱게키운엄마엿어요엄마는첫째언니를낳고둘째를낳앗는데그언니는신병을앓다죽엇어요그래서원래여섯자매엿는데다섯자매가됏어요이제는다시여섯자매지만요아무튼그랫던엄만데내동생을낳고서살이찌고머리가희고그래요사람들이엄마나이로안봐요오빠둘중첫째는결혼을햇어요이혼햇어요딸린애새끼를엄마가키워요엄마는할머니소리가익숙해졋어요근데이새끼는안그래도등골이휘는빚에지빚까지떠넘겻어요물론새아빠빚도포함이죠새아빠는지자식들밖에모르는새끼예요엄마가오빠새끼들때문에싫은소리하면때렷어요아빠가언니들나욕해요엄마는가만히잇을수밖에없어요저는엄마사랑을못받고자랏어요동생때문에요저는새아빠눈치보면서밥먹고새아빠눈치보면서동생이랑놀아요제가잘못하면엄마가맞으니까요엄마가참불쌍해요아까그러니까어젠가아무튼엄마가언니한테감기걸린것같다고기침때문에숨을못쉬겟다고병원비좀보내달랫대요언니들끼리욕을하대요엄마를요우리엄마욕을해요언니들이힘든건알아요아빠빚갚고대학도못가고공장취업해일한언니들도참불쌍해요근데엄마욕을하는데참을수가없엇어요신병인지뭔지날마다귀신을보고듣고밤마다악몽을꾸는나를미친년정신병자라고하는건괜찮아요정말로요근데엄마욕은참을수없어요병신같이우는것밖에할줄모르고밥이나축내는빌어먹을년이나지만그래도나는엄마막내딸인걸요너무나한심햇어요내가요죽는게낫다싶을만큼정말한심햇어요이나이먹도록엄마병원비도못마련해주는게너무나슬퍼요고혈압에당뇨까지잇어서많이힘들텐데아무런도움못주고엄마한테는짜증만내는게또화나나요어떻게해요우리엄마불쌍해서어떻게해요엄마랑같이죽고싶어요이따위세상살아서뭐해요아무리기다려도봄이오지를않는데.....