어제 밤에 헤어졌습니다 600일가까이 만났었구요 헤어진이유는 여자친구에게 제가 상처를 많이줘서그렇습니다 제가 화를낼때 가끔 심한말이나가고 제멋대로 행동하는데 그걸 여러번이나 여자친구가 참아주었습니다 오랜시간 가끔이면 가끔 자주일땐 자주 싸웠습니다 제가 화를내면서 소리치기도했습니다 그렇게 싸우고 화해하고 저는 당연히 앙금이 모두 풀렸을거라 생각했는데 아니었나봅니다 제가너무 경솔했습니다 그러다 저번주에 제가 꽤나 아팟엇는데 여자친구는 자기일이 바빠 돌보아주지못하는상황이었어요 저는 거기에 서운했고 심한말들을 내뱉고말았습니다 그렇게 여자친구가 쌓여왔던게 터지고말았고 그날 제가정말미안하다고 사과해서 겨우 잡긴했습니다만 여자친구말로는 그렇게 싸운후로 저에게 전처럼 좋아하는감정이들지않고 잘모르겠다고만하다 그저께 여자친구가 술을마시고 연락이안된것에 말다툼을하다 결국 이별하게되었습니다  소잃고 외양간 고친다는거 정말 말도안되고 제가정말 염치도 없지만 여자친구랑 연락도할수없고 지나가는곳마다 추억이 느껴지네요 자려고 눈감으니까 내일아침에 일어나기무서워 잠도자지못하고있구요 차라리 잠에서 깨지않았으면합니다 여자친구는 저에게 엄청많은 기회를 주고있었네요 제가 화내고 맘대로행동해도 저를좋아했기때문에 믿고 다시기회를 주었는데 이제더이상은 믿지못하겠고 기회는 떠났다고 말합니다 처음으로 여자앞에서 그렇게 울어봤고 무릎꿇지는 않았지만 이틀동안 무지하게 잡았습니다 한번만 기회를 달라고 여자친구 성격이 워낙 순해서 제부탁을 한번만들어줄줄알았는데 이번에는 제가알던 사람이랑 완전 다른사람인것같습니다 그만하자고 차갑게말하네요  마지막에 제가 후회되는말을 했습니다 평생저를못보아도 괜찮겠냐고물어봤습니다 그렇다고하네요  다남들 이야기인줄알았는데 저에게막상 다가오니 너무 믿기지않고 죽을것만같습니다 다시여자친구와 기쁨을나누고싶고 평생함께하고싶습니다 저는 나이는어리지만 평생함께해도 손색없을만큼 여자친구 정말 사랑하고 좋아했습니다 잘못한부분말고는 정말 잘해주러 노력도많이하고 애정표현도 많이했습니다 여태 다른여자들 만나고헤어질때면 그냥 몇시간 슬프고 말았는데 이번 여자친구랑 헤어지니까 밥먹지도못하겠고 자지도못하겠습니다 여자친구가 저에게 한번만 더 기회를 줄수있도록 할수있을까요 이렇게평생 여자친구를못본다면 살아도산게아닐거같습니다 전왜이렇게 이기적일까요 사귀는중에도 그저 여자친구가 받아줄거라 믿고 너무못나게군 제가 너무밉습니다 자꾸 여자친구에게 상처줫던것들 미안한것들이 이제서야 한꺼번에 떠올라 미치겠습니다 당분간은 연락도하지말고 기다려야하나요.. 4일있으면 600일이었는데 이때말해야할까요 아마 이번주 중순에 주려고했던 선물올텐데 이선물은 여자친구도 온다는거압니다 언제쯤 얼굴보자하고 제진심을 보여줘야할까요 여자친구에게 정말 미안하고 이제와서 깨달아 면목이없습니다 여자친구는 제게 미안할짓을왜햇고 이제와깨달으먼 뭐하냐고 말하는데 할말이없었습니다 제발 도와주시면 감사하겠습니다..