저는 이제 곧 20대 진입하는 19.9세입니다.ㅜㅠ 다름이 아니고 저한테는 정말 많이 사랑했었던 전여자친구가있었어요 고등학교 2학년때 제가 정말많이 좋아하고 하루라도 안보면 미칠거같았던..ㅋㅋㅋ 그친구와는 고1~2 고등학교 제학창시절의 반이상이었다고해도 될만큼 너무 가까운사이였지만 고2여름될쯤 헤어지게됬었어요 원래는 사람이 헤어질때 2번 헤어진다라는게 정말 맞는말이더라구요 헤어질때한번 전여자친구가 다른남자가 생겼을때 두번..헤어진것도 좋게 헤어진게아니라 안좋게 헤어졌었는데 그친구가 너무 미웠지만 아직마음은 그걸 받아들이지 못했었죠..많이 좋아했었으니까 ㅠㅠ 그렇게 하루하루를 힘들게 보내다가 이제고3이되면서 그친구도 저도 서로생각을할새도없이 입시에만 몰두하고있었어요 그러다가 수능이 한달즈음 남았을때 그친구한테 연락이왔었어요 잘지내냐고..ㅋㅋ 그렇게 제가 미워하고 증오했었지만 그친구연락을보니 그 부정적인마음들이 눈녹듯이 녹아내리고 예전의 추억들만 남아있더라구요 그렇게 만나서 밥을먹으면서 옛얘기도 하면서 요즘입시준비 잘되가냐(둘다예체능) 등 얘기를하면서 잠시 향수에 빠졌었지요 ㅎ..그때부터 그친구에대한감정이 다시 생기더라구요..다시생기기보다는 깊숙히 먼지에쌓여있던 감정이 다시 드러난것이 맞겠네요..ㅎ 그렇게 식사를 끝내고 수능끝나고 다시한번더 만나서 이렇게 얘기나누자 하고 그렇게 다시 입시준비를마무리하면서 지내다보니 수능도 끝나고 시간참 빠르더라구요..그런데문제가 제가 이번수능을 너무 못봐서.. 재수를할거같더라구요(이미 하는중입니다) 그래서 제가 원래집이 부산이었는데 지금은 서울에 올라와서 자취하면서 학원을 다니고있거든요..ㅠㅠ 올라오기전에 그친구한테 제가 이제 서울로 상경해서 자취를할거같다고 연락을하면 정말 그친구도 저도 힘들어질까봐 몰래 올라와서 조용히 공부할려고 했었는데 정말..그건 아닌거같아 어쩔수없이 서울올라오기전날 그친구에게 제사정을 얘기하고 만나서 얘기를 했습니다 서울로 내일 올라갈거같다고 그러니까 그친구가 펑펑울면서 왜 이제서야 얘기를하냐고 그러더라구요 정말 괜히 말꺼냈다가 너도 나도 너무 힘들어질걸 알기에 이쯤에서 끊을려했는데 나도 사실은 아직 너에대한감정이 너무 마음속 깊은곳에 자리잡고있었기때문에 그렇게 할수가 없었다 미안하다..하면서 그렇게 얘기를 하고 뭐 영화한편찍은듯이 밤부터 새벽까지 그친구와 벤치에서 얘기를나누고 집으로 헤어져야할시간이 다되서 그친구를 안아주고 집으로돌아가려는데 너무 발걸음이 무겁더라구요.. 이제이렇게 서울에 올라와서 지낸지 한달째가 다되어가고 이번 31일날 부산을 내려갈거같아서 그친구한테도 그날 새해 1월1일 될때 같이 소주나 한잔하자고 얘기도하고 그렇게 얘기를 했더니 그친구가 너무 좋아하더라구요 ㅋㅋㅋㅋ귀엽기도하고 정말 마음같아선 바로 내려가서 사랑한다고 고백하고싶지만..제사정이 월~금은 아침7시~10시 다 재수학원이라 밤에만 연락이가능하고 주말도 일요일만 저녁6시부터 연락가능하구요 부산-서울이라 거리걱정도되구요 그친구가 3월부턴 대학교가 충청도에 있어서 나중에서은 충청-서울이 되겠지만..이렇게 사귀게 된다해도 그친구나 저나 정말 많이 힘들어질것같은데 저는 정말 그친구아니면 다른여자는 못사귈거같더라구요 그친구도 아마 저와 같은마음일거에요.. 하지만 장거리에다가 제가 학원을 다니는입장이다보니까 결코 제감정이 시키는대로 쉽게 결정을 할수가 없더라구요.. 장거리연애를하게되면 만나고싶을때 만날수가없을거고 돈도 돈이며 서로에 대한 오해도 깊어질수가있고 싸우는 일도 잦어질수도있고..그럴수있겠지먼 저나그친구나 아직 서로에 대한 감정은 정말 깊을거에요 이상황에서 제가 그친구가 저때문에 고생을 할걸 알더라도 제마음을 고백하는게 맞을까요...저는 너무 그친구를 좋아해서..어떻게해야할지를 모르겠네요..