아 너무짜증나요 너무 짜증나 진짜 너무 속상해요 나 진짜 열심히 ㅅᆞㄹ앟다고 생각했어요 내가 지금 능숙하지 못해서 힘든건 내가 이일을 시작한지 별로 되지않았으니까라고 생각해요 하지만 그렇다고 괜찮은건 아니예요 그래도 시작한지 별로 안되서 못하는건 당연한거니까 내 잘못이 아니니까라고 생각힌면서 진짜 열심히 살았어요 이렇게 열심히 살다보면 언젠간 나아지겠지 언젠간 괜찮아지겠지 내 상황도 능력도 그렇게 믿으며 살았어요 그런데 가끔씩 내 능력 밖에 일로 모든게 망쳐지면 정말 어떻게 해야될질 모르겠어요 이것도 내가 다 부족한 건가 싶고 막 너무 너무 힘들어요 나 진짜 감히 지금 그냥 사는것도 너무 힘들다고 말할수 있는데 왜 꼭 여기에 하나 더 보태주는지 너무 모르겠어요 너무 너무...아ㅠㅠ
저는 조리과 학생이예요 부모님이 등록금 내주실 형편이 안되셔서 학교 끝나고 편의점 야간 알바를 뛰다가 8시에 사장님과 교대를 해야되는데 한번도 제시간에 오신적이 없어요 9시에 수업을 가야되는데 오시질않아요 빌어도보고 사정도 해봤는데 하루이틀뿐 바뀌시질 않아요 달마다 바뀌는 시간표에 정착해서 할 알바가 늦은시간에 하는 이것 밖에 없어서 그리고 오랜시간 써주는 알바가 이것 밖에 없어서 시작했는데...  항상 매일 같이 지각하고 교수님들께 사정하면서 다녔는데 오늘 우연히 출석부를 보니까 싹다 체크가 돼있었어요 3번만 더 지각하면 이제 F래요 정말 안믿겨요  이게 사실 대회준비랑 시험기간이랑 이것저것 합쳐져서 야간은 무리겠다싶어 이번달 초에 그만둔다고 말씀드렸는데 아직도 구직사이트에 올려 놓치도 않으셨어요 야간알바는 잘안구해져서 구해질때까지 있어달래요 미쳐버리겠어요 하루에 2시간도 못자면서 진짜 열심히했는데 진짜 그랬는데 돌아오는건 이것뿐이라니까 안믿겨요 내가 왜이렇게 살아야되는지 모르겠어요 맞는길인가 싶어요 일주일만 자보는게 소원이예요 나는 어떡하죠 너무리무..ㅈ 마음이 아파요