21개월 남자 아기를 키우고 있어요  울 아기가 발달이 빠른 편이라 벌써 키가92cm에 몸무게는 15kg 입니다 작년만 하더라도 같이 문센 보내는 동네 또래친구 엄마들이 있어 독박육아가 덜 힘들고 외로웠는데 올해들어서는 8명의 엄마들중 4명은 어린이집을 보내고 나머지 엄마들과는 문센을 아직 듣고있어요 그런데 이제 갈라지다보니 잘 어울리지도 못하고 연락도 없어지고 하더군요 그래도 아직 문센 같이 보내는 엄마들과는 일주일에 한번 정도는 만나요 근데 오늘 그 엄마들 8명중 7명 엄마들을 만났어요 근데 역시 저 혼자만 앉아 있지 못하고 여기저기 밖에만 있고 어린이집 보내는 엄마들은 화장까지 하고 와선 여유있게 수다떨며 차마시고 그러더라구요ㅜㅠ  같이 문센 보내는 엄마들은 물론 애기들을 데리고 왔지만 여자아기라 그런지 얌전해서 모임내내 아기의자에만 앉아있는데.... 그걸 보니 그냥 막 우울해지며 눈물나고 회의감이 들더라구요ㅜㅠ 내가 왜 뭐땜시 울 아기를 데리고 있었지?그냥 어린이집에 보내면 울아기도 나도 더 삶이 좋아지고 관계도 더 좋아지지읺을까?막 내자신이 꼬질꼬질해보이고 그 자리를 벗어나고 싶더라구요ㅠㅜ 근데 또 울 아기를 어린이집을 보내자니 낮잠이든 밤잠이든 내 머리카락을 꼭 만지면서 자는 아기이고 또 요즘 천방지축이라 내가 조금만 한눈 팔아도 사고 나는데 어린이집에서는 대형사고 날수 있지않을까 하는 마음에 조금 단어말하고 싫고 좋고 표현할 때 보내자고 생각했는데 그 생각이 무너지더라구요  물론 애들도 눈치가 있어서 어린이집에서는 조심한다고 하는데...  요즘 제가 힘들어서 대상포진도 걸리고 그래서 지쳐서 그런 생각이 더드는건지...지금이라도 그냥 보내야하나요 아님 조금더 있다가 보내야하나요ㅜㅠ모르겠네요