난 니가 아프길 바랬어 니가 아프면 모든걸 제치고 달려가 너에게 감동을 주고싶었어 그런데 4년동안 넌 한번도 아프지 않았어 아니 나에게 아픈모습을 한번도 보이지 않았어 나에게 실망할까봐서였겠지 난 좀 모자라서 일상에서 너에게 많은 실망을 줬었어 그래도 난 네게 한방은 있는 놈이란 걸 보여주고 싶었어 만루찬스가 나에게 오는 일은 없었어 좀 져주지 살살 볼질좀 해주지 약한모습좀 보여주지 4년동안 니가 준비하던 시험에 관해서 들은거라고는 이과목이 어렵다 이과목을 잘한다 뿐이네 다른 힘든 일 많았을텐데 넌 니가 약해지는 일이라면 왜이렇게 불같이 화를 내며 숨겼을까 왜 내게 옆에만 있어줘도 힘이된다고 거짓말했을까 무기력하게 옆에 서있는 사람의 불안감을 너는 알았을까 니가 나한테 기대를 안하는데 내가 어떻데 노력을 하니. 참 밉다. 하지만 미안해 넌 너의 방식대로 나한테 표현을 했었고 분명 내가 조금만 신중히 행동했었다면 투런 쓰리런 할 공을 줬었네 넌 네가 표현을 하지 않는 만큼 내 분에 넘칠만큼 잘해줬어 난 고마움보다 내 욕심이 더 컸어 행복했던 기억보다 미안한 기억이 더 나는걸 보면 난 못난 사랑을 했구나 그래도 늘 네 입에 붙이던 자기가 더 사랑한다는 말 내가 항상 틀렸다고 했었지 미련가지고 구질구질하게 들러붙으며 너에게 온갖 내 자존심이 난도질 당했어도 그 모습과 말투 행동마저 그리운거 보면 내 말이 맞았지 내가 널 더 사랑했어 헤어지고 너한테 한 행동들을 생각하면 난 참 죽고싶어 부끄러워서가 아니라 너와의 관계에 단 1의 기대도 남기지 않았다는 이게 너무 절망적이어서. 난 요즘 좀, 우울증을 앓고 있어 전염된다더니 사실이네 난 정말 불행한 똥차야. 너도 더없이 불행이 가득하고 절망적인 인생을 살았으면 진심으로 행복하지 않았으면 우연히라도 마주쳐서 날 무너뜨리지 않았으면..